christmas morning
christmas day 2007 - definitely the worst christmas i've ever had, and more than half of it's gone already. nothing particularly special.
my dad's back in hospital for the 4th time this year, tied to a drip and a piss-tube. not even a fucking christmas eve dinner, no food allowed. don't ask or bother to leave sympathetic messages it really doesn't concern you at all so it's fine, don't need to fake anything. i don't feel much either in the emotions department, i'm kinda blase about vomit and blood and tubes and injections and absence already, no gnawing emptiness or whatever, anyway there's already enough on my mind. my mom's visiting him in hospital. i'm going in the evening.
cos of the family stuff tt's been going on the last month i told my mom nvm about the presents lah. "pile it on me, i can take it, i can do sacrifices, martyr me plz". yeah i didn't expect it, but she bought my whole self-sacrificial act so as a consequence i don't have the ipod that she was thinking of getting last weekend. fuck. didn't expect my christmas present to be a hug, but oh well. you can't put a price on love i guess.
i got myself the roald dahl short story collection but there's nothing in giving yourself presents, no surprise, no "ooh this blows" feeling. and of course no budget.
yeah christmas doesn't really mean much to me, i expect it doesn't to most of you either, except presents. don't leave messages telling me about christ's love or the true meaning of christmas either, i'll feel it/find out about it when i do, thx for asking. and i'll fucking convert when i fucking like, or when i decide to care about my eternal soul. thx adam for never ever inviting me to a church in the five years i've known you.
as you can tell my thoughts are in a bit of a mess, what with my personal life screwing up massively, and the general antipathy to life and stuff.
and i still have the chicago essay to do. balls.
that was a fucking scroogish post but i'm completely not in a christmas spirit mood, you must have surmised already.
merry christmas to you.
my dad's back in hospital for the 4th time this year, tied to a drip and a piss-tube. not even a fucking christmas eve dinner, no food allowed. don't ask or bother to leave sympathetic messages it really doesn't concern you at all so it's fine, don't need to fake anything. i don't feel much either in the emotions department, i'm kinda blase about vomit and blood and tubes and injections and absence already, no gnawing emptiness or whatever, anyway there's already enough on my mind. my mom's visiting him in hospital. i'm going in the evening.
cos of the family stuff tt's been going on the last month i told my mom nvm about the presents lah. "pile it on me, i can take it, i can do sacrifices, martyr me plz". yeah i didn't expect it, but she bought my whole self-sacrificial act so as a consequence i don't have the ipod that she was thinking of getting last weekend. fuck. didn't expect my christmas present to be a hug, but oh well. you can't put a price on love i guess.
i got myself the roald dahl short story collection but there's nothing in giving yourself presents, no surprise, no "ooh this blows" feeling. and of course no budget.
yeah christmas doesn't really mean much to me, i expect it doesn't to most of you either, except presents. don't leave messages telling me about christ's love or the true meaning of christmas either, i'll feel it/find out about it when i do, thx for asking. and i'll fucking convert when i fucking like, or when i decide to care about my eternal soul. thx adam for never ever inviting me to a church in the five years i've known you.
as you can tell my thoughts are in a bit of a mess, what with my personal life screwing up massively, and the general antipathy to life and stuff.
and i still have the chicago essay to do. balls.
that was a fucking scroogish post but i'm completely not in a christmas spirit mood, you must have surmised already.
merry christmas to you.
Labels: Life
posted by Unknown at
1:01 pm
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home