EOY and stuff
well hrm. it's the last hour of the last day of the year that i turned 18, and it looks like i'm going to live out the year unless i get a stroke or heart attack, a plane falls out of the sky on bedok north, or islamist terrorists mistake my block for a US naval base. fat chance of any of that happening, unfortunately, and so i'll be able to inflict upon you my thoughts on whatever's happened to me or around me this year. if you're offended, tough. i didn't actually restart this blog to be nice.
this year has been in many ways a fucking disaster. family - bad. personal - bad. social - improving (cos when you've hit the bottom the only way left is up). school - we'll see in feb/march, but i'm not confident about it at all. ok time for some thoughts.
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the first thing that springs to mind about this year is between myself, my pillow and my conscience (and possibly a few of my good friends), and therefore you won't be hearing about it. sucks to you.
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the second thing is surviving A levels. and 07A13A, and classmates, and stuff like that. i dunno, except for a couple of exceptions the people i clicked with in a13a were the people i'd already known before. i never felt that i fit in very well in an incurably soccer-crazed class clique, for a start. i guess i got on passably with wally, peck and annliang, and count XY in for geog guys... but i don't think i got the hang of being occasionally denigrated for my work ethic, beliefs and music, among other things, however fun it might have been to those taking part in it. maybe i should have done history and gotten better friends, who knows?
of course there are bright spots: martin who kept me sane - just barely, that's the way i like it; aditi for fangirling zadie smith, douglas adams etc. whose novels i like too; cher & smoot for unfailing smiles and good humour; david too for the same; zhaomeng for angsting at idiot powers-that-be (e.g. sturgeon); daniel for hearing me out the one time when i really needed it most... i guess that's about it. my humble thanks to you guys.
to the rest of you, thanks for the occasional group interaction or smile; but for some of you i just hope i remember your names when i see you at the next class gathering, if ever. sic transit 07A13A.
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third, music and ccas and stuff. i miss YO - warm fuzzy feeling again - but not RJCE. it's not the place i'd hoped it would be. i guess people maketh the CCA, and we did have some great people in it, but we didn't have very much help from the top, nor fantastically inspiring leadership from dawn or (admittedly) myself. i never wanted to overstep the boundaries - after all the vice-chair obviously has a more limited mandate - but i ended up doing so anyway, and was blamed for stuff like ordering scores that "we could have photocopied instead" (yeah, laopok photocopies with missing pages, very helpful), or ordering the third-most expensive bass strings on the catalogue instead of the cheapest shit, or not discovering that the library shelves were hidden inside the SPARE cupboard.
i would like to think that RJCE was really an awesome place, like i'm sure some people do. but i can't, i tried to follow my lights, my principles, in the way i thought best, and they turned out not to be the most expedient or convenient ones to follow. of course that's not going to stop me ever, i do what i think is right and that's it. fuck. it's over, i don't give a cold damn in hell any more, i'm not wasting my time and effort on grudges or grievances, this is catharsis.
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fourth i guess should be friendships... i've tested some friendships to their limits, i think, this year. i guess i'm sadder but wiser in this respect now. glad that there are really great friends i can count on, but a bit disappointed that perhaps there aren't as many as i thought. really good friends have a mutual bond, somehow... that i find hard to establish.
adam and i can insult each other over random games of skill; we worship bach and denigrate bartok; he can listen to me rave about sibelius and i can do the same when he does coltrane or sth, and although we don't really know what the other's talking about, we appreciate the feeling; we can quibble about tea and coffee. that's probably the best friendship i have, and i really appreciate it immensely.
other good friends... zh - we were each other's biggest enemies in RISE in sec 1, somehow that's reversed completely; we're both stubborn and will defend our taste and opinions in music to death and beyond reason; we both have a taste for fantastic surreal brit comedy. at 7 mb my MSN chat log with him is the longest by far. i think adam's is second longest.
who else? remus is great for a laugh, a good chat and a sympathetic ear; we get along very well and it's a friendship based on mutual respect although i have no idea what he respects me for.
then there's eli who's always talking about selflessness and love and uhh random stuff like that and who seems desperately in need of counselling =P there's class people like daniel and smoot who i've known since primary school... jon lee who's good fun and someone i respect a lot... wenyi my perpetually enthu-hyper-gullible =P humanz junior... there's shaggy, i think, but i'm not sure already. sigh... i relate well to surprisingly few people; it's probably just me.
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ok hrm. i've gone on and on blathering bloody uninteresting crap, losing my train of thought, and it's now into the new year alr. so here's wishing you, if not exactly a happy new year, then at least a year that's better than the last one.
this year has been in many ways a fucking disaster. family - bad. personal - bad. social - improving (cos when you've hit the bottom the only way left is up). school - we'll see in feb/march, but i'm not confident about it at all. ok time for some thoughts.
-----
the first thing that springs to mind about this year is between myself, my pillow and my conscience (and possibly a few of my good friends), and therefore you won't be hearing about it. sucks to you.
-----
the second thing is surviving A levels. and 07A13A, and classmates, and stuff like that. i dunno, except for a couple of exceptions the people i clicked with in a13a were the people i'd already known before. i never felt that i fit in very well in an incurably soccer-crazed class clique, for a start. i guess i got on passably with wally, peck and annliang, and count XY in for geog guys... but i don't think i got the hang of being occasionally denigrated for my work ethic, beliefs and music, among other things, however fun it might have been to those taking part in it. maybe i should have done history and gotten better friends, who knows?
of course there are bright spots: martin who kept me sane - just barely, that's the way i like it; aditi for fangirling zadie smith, douglas adams etc. whose novels i like too; cher & smoot for unfailing smiles and good humour; david too for the same; zhaomeng for angsting at idiot powers-that-be (e.g. sturgeon); daniel for hearing me out the one time when i really needed it most... i guess that's about it. my humble thanks to you guys.
to the rest of you, thanks for the occasional group interaction or smile; but for some of you i just hope i remember your names when i see you at the next class gathering, if ever. sic transit 07A13A.
-----
third, music and ccas and stuff. i miss YO - warm fuzzy feeling again - but not RJCE. it's not the place i'd hoped it would be. i guess people maketh the CCA, and we did have some great people in it, but we didn't have very much help from the top, nor fantastically inspiring leadership from dawn or (admittedly) myself. i never wanted to overstep the boundaries - after all the vice-chair obviously has a more limited mandate - but i ended up doing so anyway, and was blamed for stuff like ordering scores that "we could have photocopied instead" (yeah, laopok photocopies with missing pages, very helpful), or ordering the third-most expensive bass strings on the catalogue instead of the cheapest shit, or not discovering that the library shelves were hidden inside the SPARE cupboard.
i would like to think that RJCE was really an awesome place, like i'm sure some people do. but i can't, i tried to follow my lights, my principles, in the way i thought best, and they turned out not to be the most expedient or convenient ones to follow. of course that's not going to stop me ever, i do what i think is right and that's it. fuck. it's over, i don't give a cold damn in hell any more, i'm not wasting my time and effort on grudges or grievances, this is catharsis.
-----
fourth i guess should be friendships... i've tested some friendships to their limits, i think, this year. i guess i'm sadder but wiser in this respect now. glad that there are really great friends i can count on, but a bit disappointed that perhaps there aren't as many as i thought. really good friends have a mutual bond, somehow... that i find hard to establish.
adam and i can insult each other over random games of skill; we worship bach and denigrate bartok; he can listen to me rave about sibelius and i can do the same when he does coltrane or sth, and although we don't really know what the other's talking about, we appreciate the feeling; we can quibble about tea and coffee. that's probably the best friendship i have, and i really appreciate it immensely.
other good friends... zh - we were each other's biggest enemies in RISE in sec 1, somehow that's reversed completely; we're both stubborn and will defend our taste and opinions in music to death and beyond reason; we both have a taste for fantastic surreal brit comedy. at 7 mb my MSN chat log with him is the longest by far. i think adam's is second longest.
who else? remus is great for a laugh, a good chat and a sympathetic ear; we get along very well and it's a friendship based on mutual respect although i have no idea what he respects me for.
then there's eli who's always talking about selflessness and love and uhh random stuff like that and who seems desperately in need of counselling =P there's class people like daniel and smoot who i've known since primary school... jon lee who's good fun and someone i respect a lot... wenyi my perpetually enthu-hyper-gullible =P humanz junior... there's shaggy, i think, but i'm not sure already. sigh... i relate well to surprisingly few people; it's probably just me.
-----
ok hrm. i've gone on and on blathering bloody uninteresting crap, losing my train of thought, and it's now into the new year alr. so here's wishing you, if not exactly a happy new year, then at least a year that's better than the last one.
Labels: Life
posted by Unknown at
1:50 am
5 Comments:
"seems desperately in need of counselling"?!
LOL rayner.
happy new year to you too! and good luck for the year ahead & especially feb/march
hullo. glad you liked those conversations heh. it was nice having someone in the class with some similar tastes.
hope 08 goes swimmingly for you (:
(oh also have you read Ian McEwan's Atonement? i bet you probably already have cos it's one of those 1337 books but anyway i am reading it not and it seems pretty interesting)
late.. but still... Happy New Year!
=)
=) thx eli & mingloong
=D heyo dee. nope i haven't read it, is it good? ("i am reading it not..." does that mean you ARE or you AREN'T?)
OOPS sorry i meant i am reading it NOW. lol. his descriptions are way meticulous though, and he's describing early 20th century architecture and things at points, so i have no mental image of what on earth he's going on about, but it's worth persisting :P the writing is MADE for a movie though, so i think it would be worth watching.
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