bslc wk 3

this post will be really short cos the sweet bastards have taken away my saturday morning and half of the afternoon by doing sports day AND want me to book in by 2330 hrs for guard duty tmrw. dear juniors this will be your lot when your time comes. all the best kiddos!

i'm a bit cranky cos of lack of sleep... 3 or 4 hours max each night. it's decent, but not for someone like me. i really, really need my sleep to function properly; right now i'm like a live wire and my brain is contorting itself into all kinds of weird positions. lack of sleep = mental yoga.

there was a special day this week; it was a palindromic date, the only time in my life this will ever happen (unless i live to the ripe wizened old age of 119!) - 08/04/08. i burnt it on firing at the range - lots of it was completely wasted waiting for my turn to fire, although of course triggering off live rounds IS rather cool. it is sobering, though, to think that you're actually learning to kill - to take away a human life, a sacred thing, a thing of beauty and awesome wonder no matter which way you look at it. (go do some meditation for a little while)

anyway. when i got back from live firing (at 1am on the 9th, get this!) i found a total of 11 messages sitting on my shitty lao pok old phone. really pleasant surprise =D thank you so much, dear friends, for all your birthday wishes, smses, facebook thingies and miscellany. i hope i remembered to reply to all of your messages, forgive me if i've omitted you. it's been a busy week, live firing, operations training and all. thanks for reminding me that there's life and love outside my bunk. and thanks for remembering me; i've lost track of how many birthdays i've forgotten already.

yes, really, thanks for remembering me. i have an inferiority complex inversely proportionate to the size of my ego, and your messages really do save me from myself. i'm my worst enemy - if you've ever read Notes from Underground by dostoevsky you'll know just how i feel some days.

[and for those who forgot/didn't know, don't worry, i know exactly how you feel. when it comes to forgetting birthdays i'm the biggest culprit and the most guilty. ugh.]

you don't know this, but everytime i book out i type out every single message i send and receive, just in case my phone runs out of space, and so that i can relive the warm fuzzy feeling that friends create for each other. yet at the same time i'm neglecting a lot of good friendships, i know there're some that are withering, growing strained and distant. and some are friendships that i value a lot. i need time, good quality time. damn damn damnit.

i can't think any more, i've got to go in an hour's time and i'm crazily sleepy. my brain is whirling like turkish dervishes. listening to the beatles isn't helping either, and i'm forgetting the things i wanted to say.

sigh. end here, rayner.