friendship
It might seem strange to be reflecting on this now, when I'm reporting to a new posting tomorrow which is gonna suck bad (bridging engineers! fuxorz.) but perhaps when you're being uprooted, transplanted and repotted into new surroundings you're going to feel the lack of friendship really acutely.
And well, this was triggered off by an epiphany of sorts. I logged on to MSN, saw a few friends online who I hadn't seen or spoken to in ages - good friends who I really respect - and realised I really had absolutely nothing to say to them. That I couldn't even be assured that if I decided to go back to it and pick up from where we left off, our friendship - that connection we had - wouldn't be worse for wear.
It did come as a rather startling thought. Scratch that - I think 'dismayed' is the right word (it's a word that deserves to be exhumed and put back in use, but that's for another post). And I was reminded again of that deceptively simple poem -
And sometimes it happens that you are friends and then
You are not friends,
And friendship has passed.
And whole days are lost and among them
A fountain empties itself.
- which kind of sums up the feeling. Think of the image "a fountain empties itself". Ahh... you might not feel it immediately, but think of it - a fountain is meant to be filled, and to flow and froth. So to empty a fountain feels like depriving it of purpose and meaning, right? Futility. And to compound it, this fountain "empties itself"; just, starkly, like that - absolutely no reason. Imagine the water just flowed away and you couldn't find the leak. No control, no explanation. It's a brilliantly, chillingly evocative image.
So yes, back to friendships. To me - especially so since I've not many really close pals, and I do put in a deep time and emotional commitment to each of them - a friendship ebbing away is a pretty bad feeling. And I don't know how to stop these things from happening. Is it inevitable, that as people draw apart in their dealings and activities, they lose the bond that used to tie them together so well? Or is it just that these things affect me more than most other people? Is this just a typical introvert worry / obsession / concern? I'm not putting this properly, but I hope you get what I mean.
And well, this was triggered off by an epiphany of sorts. I logged on to MSN, saw a few friends online who I hadn't seen or spoken to in ages - good friends who I really respect - and realised I really had absolutely nothing to say to them. That I couldn't even be assured that if I decided to go back to it and pick up from where we left off, our friendship - that connection we had - wouldn't be worse for wear.
It did come as a rather startling thought. Scratch that - I think 'dismayed' is the right word (it's a word that deserves to be exhumed and put back in use, but that's for another post). And I was reminded again of that deceptively simple poem -
And sometimes it happens that you are friends and then
You are not friends,
And friendship has passed.
And whole days are lost and among them
A fountain empties itself.
- which kind of sums up the feeling. Think of the image "a fountain empties itself". Ahh... you might not feel it immediately, but think of it - a fountain is meant to be filled, and to flow and froth. So to empty a fountain feels like depriving it of purpose and meaning, right? Futility. And to compound it, this fountain "empties itself"; just, starkly, like that - absolutely no reason. Imagine the water just flowed away and you couldn't find the leak. No control, no explanation. It's a brilliantly, chillingly evocative image.
So yes, back to friendships. To me - especially so since I've not many really close pals, and I do put in a deep time and emotional commitment to each of them - a friendship ebbing away is a pretty bad feeling. And I don't know how to stop these things from happening. Is it inevitable, that as people draw apart in their dealings and activities, they lose the bond that used to tie them together so well? Or is it just that these things affect me more than most other people? Is this just a typical introvert worry / obsession / concern? I'm not putting this properly, but I hope you get what I mean.
Labels: Everything, Life
posted by Unknown at
9:14 pm
1 Comments:
I get what you mean. I feel the same way too and wonder whether these things affect me and you more than other people too. But I think it's not so much of friendship ebbing away but both friends not sure of whether the friendship is still the same such that each other is scared of overstepping the boundaries like being friendly when it shouldn't be anymore? Another reason is perhaps we are not sure how much each other has changed and whether the friend we knew is still much the same as the friend we know now? So maybe if one person just assure the other that the friendship is still the same as before, nothing much will be different? Except that there's no "awkward-less" way of doing this but to let time ease us into what we used to feel towards each other?
(I hope I make sense?)
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home