ftw.
aww shucks man, peck... don't you grow my ego for me xP
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lol I have to say that this week wasn't boring at all at the engineers' training institute... For me it literally started and ended with a bang: we had live firings of explosives on mon and fri. Which means lots of TNT and plastic explosives and stuff. Today I got a chance to fire off a 2kg bag of TNT tied round a (fake) tree - a log we carted to the live firing site. It's supposed to simulate some mission or other. Obviously the details would bore you. We had 3 firers going in together, setting off the fuses and then running like siao for cover before the things blew.
Real life explosions are brilliant. First you see a huge flash of light and a plume of black smoke, then soil and rocks and debris flying, then you feel the ground shake and hear the explosion (yes there's actually a delay, damn cool), and finally there's a shock wave that hurls through the air and messes up the camouflage netting on your helmet. I've got to say, it is fucking cool shit.
Yeah obviously that was the highlight of my week. Uhh what else? I got a silver for IPPT; thank goodness. It was funny in itself 'cos the only station I screwed up last time was shuttle run and no one, for crying out loud, no one screws up shuttle run. Usually after the test's over they ask if anyone wants to redo chin-ups or broad jump for a better score, but no one ever asks if anyone needs a shuttle run retry... It's my technique, and my general gangliness and not quite knowing where my feet are supposed to be I guess. So this time they made sure I got as many tries as I needed (only 2, in the end) - 11 seconds on the first try and 10:19 on the second. 2.4 timing was 10:18 so I'm back to where I was in BMT, shucks. Still it's a silver, I'm not complaining.
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Lots of people are disrupting NS on 25th June for medicine and to take up the PSC Overseas Merit Scholarship. Grats to you guys... cool.
Yeah it does rankle slightly that I wasn't offered the OMS, but they're obviously looking for leaders, not muggers, and when during the interview they asked me if "you are more comfortable with books than people, is that true?" I instantly replied yes and refused to elaborate.
And it's true, I've never been comfortable being a leader (but hell no, not a follower either). I feel a terrible fraud, sham, liar, trickster, standing in front of people and demanding respect and attention. Why on earth should I deserve it? Yes it's probably an overweening sense of humility; but I'd rather shut up and stay in the shadows than be a bastard attention-hog.
True, leadership is much more than just that, but I'm afraid many people often lose sight of what it really is about, and a bit of my faith in humanity dies in the process. It isn't about being the loudest voice, the biggest mouth, or the best actor, though it's often confused with these. What it really is about, though, truly escapes me. It's undefinable, it's a je ne sais quoi that some people have and others don't. I probably don't, and PSC was probably right not to give me the OMS, all things considered.
I've accepted that there're things in life that aren't mine to have, and for good reason. Oh well screw that ^^ It's not a "know your place" or "be content with your lot" thing. I know if only I put my mind to it I'd be off and away, flying high; but well, other people have a comparative advantage in leadership (whatever that may mean), which I seem to lack. That may well be a social handicap but it's certainly not going to prevent me from living my life with good grace and seeking out wisdom (as opposed to information, or even knowledge).
The scholarship - indeed, the lack of it; the inability to get it - doesn't define me as a person, doesn't define me as a success or failure, doesn't make me any less a human, any more a sinner. It doesn't affect me or my conception of who I am. It used to be my life goal, but since then I've grown a sense of perspective and an appreciation of what really counts.
It's lost its final power over me, in a way.
-----
lol I have to say that this week wasn't boring at all at the engineers' training institute... For me it literally started and ended with a bang: we had live firings of explosives on mon and fri. Which means lots of TNT and plastic explosives and stuff. Today I got a chance to fire off a 2kg bag of TNT tied round a (fake) tree - a log we carted to the live firing site. It's supposed to simulate some mission or other. Obviously the details would bore you. We had 3 firers going in together, setting off the fuses and then running like siao for cover before the things blew.
Real life explosions are brilliant. First you see a huge flash of light and a plume of black smoke, then soil and rocks and debris flying, then you feel the ground shake and hear the explosion (yes there's actually a delay, damn cool), and finally there's a shock wave that hurls through the air and messes up the camouflage netting on your helmet. I've got to say, it is fucking cool shit.
Yeah obviously that was the highlight of my week. Uhh what else? I got a silver for IPPT; thank goodness. It was funny in itself 'cos the only station I screwed up last time was shuttle run and no one, for crying out loud, no one screws up shuttle run. Usually after the test's over they ask if anyone wants to redo chin-ups or broad jump for a better score, but no one ever asks if anyone needs a shuttle run retry... It's my technique, and my general gangliness and not quite knowing where my feet are supposed to be I guess. So this time they made sure I got as many tries as I needed (only 2, in the end) - 11 seconds on the first try and 10:19 on the second. 2.4 timing was 10:18 so I'm back to where I was in BMT, shucks. Still it's a silver, I'm not complaining.
-----
Lots of people are disrupting NS on 25th June for medicine and to take up the PSC Overseas Merit Scholarship. Grats to you guys... cool.
Yeah it does rankle slightly that I wasn't offered the OMS, but they're obviously looking for leaders, not muggers, and when during the interview they asked me if "you are more comfortable with books than people, is that true?" I instantly replied yes and refused to elaborate.
And it's true, I've never been comfortable being a leader (but hell no, not a follower either). I feel a terrible fraud, sham, liar, trickster, standing in front of people and demanding respect and attention. Why on earth should I deserve it? Yes it's probably an overweening sense of humility; but I'd rather shut up and stay in the shadows than be a bastard attention-hog.
True, leadership is much more than just that, but I'm afraid many people often lose sight of what it really is about, and a bit of my faith in humanity dies in the process. It isn't about being the loudest voice, the biggest mouth, or the best actor, though it's often confused with these. What it really is about, though, truly escapes me. It's undefinable, it's a je ne sais quoi that some people have and others don't. I probably don't, and PSC was probably right not to give me the OMS, all things considered.
I've accepted that there're things in life that aren't mine to have, and for good reason. Oh well screw that ^^ It's not a "know your place" or "be content with your lot" thing. I know if only I put my mind to it I'd be off and away, flying high; but well, other people have a comparative advantage in leadership (whatever that may mean), which I seem to lack. That may well be a social handicap but it's certainly not going to prevent me from living my life with good grace and seeking out wisdom (as opposed to information, or even knowledge).
The scholarship - indeed, the lack of it; the inability to get it - doesn't define me as a person, doesn't define me as a success or failure, doesn't make me any less a human, any more a sinner. It doesn't affect me or my conception of who I am. It used to be my life goal, but since then I've grown a sense of perspective and an appreciation of what really counts.
It's lost its final power over me, in a way.
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