I'm really hating all this. Being deprived of the company of the people I know, love and care for is the most debilitating feeling imaginable. I'm missing my family, best friends and the things I enjoy most - music, stuff on youtube, reading... really getting me down and depressed. Hope things get better, at least after field camp tues-sun. Positively dreading it.

Won't have my handphone for the field camp... will update again after that. Till then take care. I'm missing all you guys.

Rayner

Hello everyone. Seeing as how I'm now running things around here, some practices are going to change. All socks will be pulled up. If I catch any apostrophes running about unsupervised they will be immediately confined for three weeks. Errant capitalisation will not be tolerated.

adam

doing a janus

i should explain janus - he's the two-faced roman god guy who looks both forward and back; that's why january's named after him. beginnings and endings, that sort of thing. so i'm looking back at the last couple of weeks and forward at the next 10 days or so.

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jan 10th enlistment. nothing major, lots of admin. dragging bags of army-issued stuff around the place, changing all my footwear cos they were all 1 size too small. the e-measure thing or whatever is obviously screwed.

jan 11th (day 2) was lectures, nothing major... orientating us to army life. next couple of days (days 3 and 4) we had foot drills and more lects, some PT as well if i'm not wrong. i'm still not quite getting the hang of marching, though it's improving... didn't help that our foot drills were in sunny 37deg heat - i look like a blackface golliwog cos of that lol. also some weapon handling lectures... drills and all that. also saw our platoon commander (PC) for interview, basically checked how i was coping and stuff like that, bit of stuff on adjusting to army life. nothing much except he's a pretty nice guy.

more lects on 14th, 15th and 16th (days 5-7). we had medical and dental lectures on 14th - naptime! fyi you officially get 7 hours of sleep (2230-0530) but in reality most wake up at 0500 if not earlier... cos of some idiots' alarms. we had IPPT on 15th which i passed with no difficulty; bodes well for my fitness i guess. coming in 9th in my half of the company (platoons 3 & 4) for 2.4 gave me a pretty nice sense of achievement. even though it was only 10:31. route march on 16th, 4km only so it was more or less song and dance all the way.

i was pretty homesick round about days 3-7 or so, wondering how my mom and dad were coping and stuff like that... was rather irrationally sad that my dad couldn't be there for enlistment lah. bit of emo there that i should have left behind. but got better after that. anyway...

17th and 18th (days 8 & 9) were spent at the rifle simulator... the Individual Marksmanship Trainer. my marksmanship sucks but the system sucks worse; it lost nearly all my shots the first day, and the second day afternoon. and the worst thing is everyone thought i was playing a fool and not aiming, damnit. the computer system is really bad.

19th was a 6km route march with our field packs, bit more strenuous than the previous time but still well within my limits. we had our rifle handling (THT/technical handling test) on 20th... PT on 21st, and vaccination (2 jabs SIMULTANEOUSLY thank goodness the medics didn't screw up)... some lectures on 21st and 22nd (national education and history of SAF bullshit).

23rd and 24th were spent at the live firing range for our marksmanship test which was boring as hell (all the waiting just to fire 6 magazines, and waiting some more for the night shoot and another 6 magazines). except the firing scared the crap out of me. not the recoil or the sound, but the thought of accidentally pulling the trigger or misfiring or anything. and of course of the rifle screwing up (like i heard from jon lee). had to do the IA drills 5 times. still i passed... not spectacularly, 20 or 21 shots i think. oh well. last day was spent entirely out in the field, lots of fieldcraft stuff.

a ferry ride never felt so good i think. got back on the 25th... went out to island creamery and crashed YO on 26th with jon. great to be back with friends and seeing my section (9 bassists wtf?) and playing bridge and everything.

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next week - field camp. mon some lectures and packing; and tues-sun will be hell. no phone, no updates. they'll be tekaning us outfield with all the noise discipline shit, move fast, make no noise, prone down on the ground. dirt mud sand soil in our faces. camo and all that. then CNY!

gtg now... reporting back at pasir ris at 2015 tonight. take care all... and i'll be leaving this blog in the safe hands of adam haha.

welcome adam.

dear all.

as i'll be in camp degening my brains out of my ears most of the time, i can't be posting here, much to the detriment of my regular readers' sanity and well-being. so my cunning and devious mind being as cunning and devious as it is, i've devised some brilliant scheme to continue posting even though tekong has no internet connection. so i'll be smsing updates to my good friend adam who'll then transcribe them faithfully to this blog. obviously my posts will be pretty condensed but they'll give you a hazy idea of what's happening to Your Humble Narrator in the freaking sunny island that is tekong. so say hi to adam who'll be helping me out for the next 6 weeks or so. i'll be in the field tues-sun next week though, so no phone and no updates. but rest assured i'll be fine and posting by sun or mon.

sincerely,
YHN

back

i'd forgotten how my comp looked like. or how a mouse feels, or the sound of headphones on my ears, or the kick of a good joke, or the brilliant touch of a hot shower, or how i smell like without sweat.

bmt does strange things to you. it makes you hate your fellow man for freaking stupidity, or immaturity, or cracking dirty jokes that aren't remotely funny, or taking a crap and not cleaning up properly...

what about it can i say? obviously there's the physical stuff, the PT... that is more mental endurance than anything, at least for me. (i ran a 10:31 2.4k... shaved more than a minute off my previous best!).

there's waking up early cos of idiots who set their alarm clocks to 4:30am and then can't wake up to turn them off. the mosquito nets that stink and are bastards to set up or pack in.

there's loads of swearing and bad jokes. the kind that most of us guys grew out of in primary school. like saying fuck for a secret pleasure that i've long outgrown, or brainless innuendoes about sex... and the scary thing is people actually find these jokes funny. i thought everyone grew out of it by sec 2 or 3; it's depressing.

the food sucks. its only just slightly better than RI boarding. and what they lack in quality they make up for in quantity so you get overfed on frankly crappy food.

generally there's lots of dumbasses with no common sense or decency... like things like cleaning up after yourself in the toilets... or not polishing your boots over the tiles on the floor... these things don't come naturally to them, somehow.

there's the sweat and stink and sticky icky feeling which stays with you all day and all night cos there's never enough time to bathe and the shower's uber cold (i can't take cold showers). and there's insane tekong weather - 37deg temp, burning sun with no clouds, sudden downpours...

but it's not all bad. most of the sergeants are nice in person even though they're strict about the discipline and all that, shouting and stuff. there isn't much pumping in my company yet (not that i'm complaining). the warrant officers are good, they know their stuff and they have fantastic experience.

mine's a warrant officer company, which is supposed to be a good thing, cos you're not led by noob 20-sth officers but really good warrants in their 40s-50s. my platoon's quite lucky, we don't have fucktards for sergeants or anything, no vogons.

life is really not as bad as i'd thought. and there're friends i can rely on, in my platoon, company and all around. without them i'd go insane. special thanks of course to DC, pooch and shaggy.

ok i'll probably go a bit more chronologically when i can think of stuff but i'm really sleepy now and my own bed is calling out really invitingly so i think i'll let it fulfil its function. night!

enlistment

your humble narrator is reporting to bmtc school 1 at 11:30, 10th jan. tekong doesn't have an internet cafe obviously, but he can be reached on the usual number (sms only. for fucksake don't call). he'll be back, 25th or 26th jan. no updates till then, after which there'll be a flood of pent-up angst.

till then... lebewohl.

last day of freedom

ahhh nothing much. wrote a long note in the morning; had lunch and relived old times with good friends at pastamania; caught up with ike. had a coffee. long chats. a not unsatisfying feeling after them.

not much to say any more. sh and zh you guys have been awesome, it's been an honour knowing you these years. i'll really miss having you around in school and all. and thx for the advice. take good care of yourselves and hopefully our paths will cross again. horribly cliched but its 0030 on the day of my enlistment and i know you guys'll forgive me. thx adam for your words of wisdom "don't die. if you do try not to look stupid" yeah i'll rmb that too.

ahhh goodnight. was thinking of trying to sound profound by quoting the end of the wasteland, but it's pretentious and i can't rmb it. ohwell.

couple of thoughts

let me see... what's been interesting in my life the last few days? to those in the know, it's 6 people now.

got thomas pynchon's V just so that i could use up my 10-buck borders voucher (inelastic demand). interesting book, quite off my usual reading diet but i'm strangely drawn into the heady mix of evocative prose. if anyone of you has read it tell me if it's worth going on past the first few chapters.

oh yah. this morning was quite amazing. got to the army shops at beach road... this auntie just got daniel ong and me to sit down and gave us a priceless 1 hour lecture on stuff like "you'll need this for --" and "bmt will be like --" and "field camp is like --". thoroughly recommended to anyone who hasn't got their stuff yet. lol. she's prob been doing it for generations, got everything - seriously everything - covered. zulaika store at golden mile food centre or complex or whatever - go right to the top floor and walk around a bit. i think its prob worth the experience heh. we were pretty nubified after that.

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am thinking of doing up a couple of notes/word docs on my comp to people, just in case of anything in ns - accident, heart failure, this humble nubcaek cleaning a loaded rifle... and possibly more sinister/regrettable stuff. gulp. i do have a lot to say that can't be said, unfortunately. at least not now.

and i really, really must thank those people out there who've been a great support, way beyond my wildest hopes and expectations. when it comes to expressing the extent of my gratitude, i don't know what to say - words fail me.

well then i'll be gone from the 10th, and should be back on the 25th or 26th morning, barring a serious fuckup. will still be contactable on the usual number but don't expect me to answer calls. in case i don't have time to do a last-day post, take care all.

freecell

just finished a mind-numbing streak of 9 wins at freecell. i'm good. (i think) =D anyone there done better than that?

the last week

concert yesterday went... kinda suckily but ok lah. it was tolerable thanks to the good friends who were playing / old acquaintances that i met again. was horrified at the starting of the spitfire fugue though; hardly anyone came in right. probably mistook ctl's starting for a muscle spasm or sth, he only gave 2 beats instead of the usual 4. -.- wtf

w00t for dinner with the YO oldies. had a great time.

other than that rhsls have been mind-numbingly tiring. i'm drained.

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looking forward to meeting friends for the last time before ns. i don't have many so it's just a coffee and a lunch. oh well.

d-day 10th jan.

brahms string quartets

yes i finally went out and bought the brahms i've been meaning to get for ages. a recording of the string quartets and piano quintet by the emerson string quartet. listening to brahms is like... i don't know. catching a glimpse of the eternal and infinite. it's breathtaking, and it's quite angsty. not in a teenage spots way; in the way of a man who's lived half his life and has grown a finely cultivated rage at injustice and inhumanity.

hrm. i'm only on the second string quartet so i'm not qualified to talk about the others yet, but the first quartet is pretty good. i'm sure i'll pick up a lot more facets of it on repeated hearings. there's a fascinating quality about it; it's driving rage (the word is rage, i don't know how else to put it) and yet it's scintillating, precisely directed, and it has a certain depth and quality about it. i think it boils down to the cello part - even though you hear it you don't actually listen to it (note the difference), and so it touches a level deeper than your consciousness. it awakens gut feelings of fear, anger, joy...

i'm raving now. i'll stop and do this again when my thoughts are clearer

feeling smug/a little music rant

for the first time in 12 years, i'm not in school on jan 2nd. =D

of course that smug feeling will wear off by jan 10th =(

and meanwhile i have to do that psc essay and pract for the concert. ugh. film music -.- doesn't quite feel right without the film. and the spitfire (walton) is kinda humdrum (they used it as a transition in little britain O.o lol). if it wasn't for rhapsody in blue i wouldn't have agreed to play.

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it's a bit galling, how no one wants to do brahms, beethoven or sibelius symphonies - let alone exciting offbeat stuff like nielsen, vaughan williams, stravinsky, mahler, even walton symphony no. 1... the classical music scene in singapore is ridiculously boring. i would really like to go watch a thrilling bartok concerto for orchestra and let my mind be blown to smithereens.

if anyone knows of a performance of the following over the next year (that i'm available to watch of course), please tell me:
BACH: Brandenburg Concertos/ Mass in b minor
BARTOK: Concerto for Orchestra
BEETHOVEN: Violin Concerto/ Triple Concerto
BRAHMS: any Symphonies/ Double Concerto/ Violin Concerto/ Serenade
ELGAR: Cello Concerto/ Enigma Variations
FRANCAIX: anything at all
HINDEMITH: that thing with the weber. whatsitname. Symphonic Metamorphoses
MAHLER: good stuff.
MEDTNER: anything at all
NIELSEN: Symphony no. 4 'Inextinguishable'/ Overture to Maskarade/ Helios Overture
RACHMANINOV: THE Variations
SIBELIUS: any Symphonies (not by TPO plz heh. dunno why they can't pull it off properly)
VAUGHAN WILLIAMS: A London Symphony
WALTON: Symphony no. 1

yup thats it.

mitchell and webb

ok just a tiny treat. sketch from mitchell and webb.

EOY and stuff

well hrm. it's the last hour of the last day of the year that i turned 18, and it looks like i'm going to live out the year unless i get a stroke or heart attack, a plane falls out of the sky on bedok north, or islamist terrorists mistake my block for a US naval base. fat chance of any of that happening, unfortunately, and so i'll be able to inflict upon you my thoughts on whatever's happened to me or around me this year. if you're offended, tough. i didn't actually restart this blog to be nice.

this year has been in many ways a fucking disaster. family - bad. personal - bad. social - improving (cos when you've hit the bottom the only way left is up). school - we'll see in feb/march, but i'm not confident about it at all. ok time for some thoughts.

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the first thing that springs to mind about this year is between myself, my pillow and my conscience (and possibly a few of my good friends), and therefore you won't be hearing about it. sucks to you.

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the second thing is surviving A levels. and 07A13A, and classmates, and stuff like that. i dunno, except for a couple of exceptions the people i clicked with in a13a were the people i'd already known before. i never felt that i fit in very well in an incurably soccer-crazed class clique, for a start. i guess i got on passably with wally, peck and annliang, and count XY in for geog guys... but i don't think i got the hang of being occasionally denigrated for my work ethic, beliefs and music, among other things, however fun it might have been to those taking part in it. maybe i should have done history and gotten better friends, who knows?

of course there are bright spots: martin who kept me sane - just barely, that's the way i like it; aditi for fangirling zadie smith, douglas adams etc. whose novels i like too; cher & smoot for unfailing smiles and good humour; david too for the same; zhaomeng for angsting at idiot powers-that-be (e.g. sturgeon); daniel for hearing me out the one time when i really needed it most... i guess that's about it. my humble thanks to you guys.

to the rest of you, thanks for the occasional group interaction or smile; but for some of you i just hope i remember your names when i see you at the next class gathering, if ever. sic transit 07A13A.

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third, music and ccas and stuff. i miss YO - warm fuzzy feeling again - but not RJCE. it's not the place i'd hoped it would be. i guess people maketh the CCA, and we did have some great people in it, but we didn't have very much help from the top, nor fantastically inspiring leadership from dawn or (admittedly) myself. i never wanted to overstep the boundaries - after all the vice-chair obviously has a more limited mandate - but i ended up doing so anyway, and was blamed for stuff like ordering scores that "we could have photocopied instead" (yeah, laopok photocopies with missing pages, very helpful), or ordering the third-most expensive bass strings on the catalogue instead of the cheapest shit, or not discovering that the library shelves were hidden inside the SPARE cupboard.

i would like to think that RJCE was really an awesome place, like i'm sure some people do. but i can't, i tried to follow my lights, my principles, in the way i thought best, and they turned out not to be the most expedient or convenient ones to follow. of course that's not going to stop me ever, i do what i think is right and that's it. fuck. it's over, i don't give a cold damn in hell any more, i'm not wasting my time and effort on grudges or grievances, this is catharsis.

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fourth i guess should be friendships... i've tested some friendships to their limits, i think, this year. i guess i'm sadder but wiser in this respect now. glad that there are really great friends i can count on, but a bit disappointed that perhaps there aren't as many as i thought. really good friends have a mutual bond, somehow... that i find hard to establish.

adam and i can insult each other over random games of skill; we worship bach and denigrate bartok; he can listen to me rave about sibelius and i can do the same when he does coltrane or sth, and although we don't really know what the other's talking about, we appreciate the feeling; we can quibble about tea and coffee. that's probably the best friendship i have, and i really appreciate it immensely.

other good friends... zh - we were each other's biggest enemies in RISE in sec 1, somehow that's reversed completely; we're both stubborn and will defend our taste and opinions in music to death and beyond reason; we both have a taste for fantastic surreal brit comedy. at 7 mb my MSN chat log with him is the longest by far. i think adam's is second longest.

who else? remus is great for a laugh, a good chat and a sympathetic ear; we get along very well and it's a friendship based on mutual respect although i have no idea what he respects me for.

then there's eli who's always talking about selflessness and love and uhh random stuff like that and who seems desperately in need of counselling =P there's class people like daniel and smoot who i've known since primary school... jon lee who's good fun and someone i respect a lot... wenyi my perpetually enthu-hyper-gullible =P humanz junior... there's shaggy, i think, but i'm not sure already. sigh... i relate well to surprisingly few people; it's probably just me.

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ok hrm. i've gone on and on blathering bloody uninteresting crap, losing my train of thought, and it's now into the new year alr. so here's wishing you, if not exactly a happy new year, then at least a year that's better than the last one.