sic transit 2008

It seems inevitable, as 2008 is in its death throes and 2009 is just waiting in the wings ready to pounce on us bewildered mortals, that I should reflect on this year. 2008 has been a momentous year in many ways. Where should I start this? From the beginning, right. (+10 points for stating the bleeding obvious.)

2008 descended on me with a vengeance. I was reeling from events in my personal life and in the family. My mom and I were regular fixtures at my dad's bedside in December and the first few days of January. At the same time I was getting ready for enlistment, submitting university applications, and trying my best to cope with other personal issues that were coming to a head. Well, sure they weren't of quite the same magnitude of a starving Darfur farmer, but they were problems for me which reached right to the core of my person, values and character.

It was a trying period; I still find it hard to look back with complete equanimity. It is impossible to describe the mix of feelings that I experienced during that period. My reflections on 2007 are probably a product of that tortured state of mind I was in. I was angry, and angsty, and couldn't be sure of anyone to turn to, or what the future had for me.

BMT was a whirl of events. I must admit, I passed many nights awake till late, thinking, reflecting, but mostly hating myself and despairing at my situation; I did cry, lots, mostly at night, though I hope no one noticed. I hardly knew what was going on, I was quite unprepared, lost, and didn't even stop to think. Friendships and even normal social interactions were squeezed to quick flashes of recognition; days would pass without familiar faces. I was quite lost at the attitudes of those around me and my immediate superiors as I tried to adapt; I only realised later that they, too, didn't really know how best to handle 50 new, blur-kok recruits. New friends were hard to come by; I'm not a great one for talking cock or anything, nor was I even in the mood for it, with things at home and in my head in a mess. The support of friends and people around me was the only thing that kept me going. Thanks are especially due to David, Daniel, Wally and Peck, without whom I would've gone mad. 

For my friends going in next year, who have no idea what to expect, just remember that your BMT sergeants and PCs are only a year or two older, doing their NS and probably hating it about as much as you!

A Level results came out on 7th March - I'm happy that I was able to make my dad proud, I guess for the last time - and my passing-out parade (POP) was on the 12th I believe. In the intervening few days my dad was hospitalised – I only found out after I got home from POP. It was a crazy roller-coaster ride of emotions. The next 2 weeks were spent shuttling back and forth from SGH, watching his condition slowly deteriorate.

We saw the best and worst of people then, at the hospital, and later at the wake and funeral; who was genuinely concerned, who was only standing around for appearances and would rather be elsewhere. For those of you who'll ever visit an ill friend, relative or acquaintance, please remember: it's glaringly obvious.

I don't want to dwell on this period. It's still raw. Just 10 days after my dad died, I managed to book out of camp for an interview for the HDB scholarship (thank goodness for those scholarship interviews, I booked out 8 times because of them!), checked my email and found out I got a place and a financial aid award to Yale. It was very unexpected; I got rejected by Chicago on 16th March, and the Princeton and Columbia emails came just the day before; these were incredibly demoralising and I'd all but given up hope already. I'd spent the least time and effort on my Yale app too. I was over the moon; needless to say from that point onwards I kept my scholarship applications alive only for the sake of booking out of camp! If the PSC OMS had come along I might just have been tempted by Mammon, but as fate would have it, it didn't so I wasn't. There wasn't much chance anyhow. I only wish papa could've known.

BSLC passed in a blur; so did CESC. 21 weeks of fatigue, ennui, angst and outfield and I got my rank (3SG), my salary ($710) and most importantly my admin job. It's a relief to be sitting in an office; though it gets boring and tedious, it does beat going outfield and the tedium of bunk and training. I do miss the gratuitous lying in the grass that is much of the field camp experience, but no I won't trade, ha. It gets lonely, but I get by. I can't really be arsed to care very much; I used to think I was a failure, so many friends getting through OCS and me stuck on a lower plane of existence, but hell, people are only human, and myself more than most. Compared with what you're going to do with the rest of your life, these 22 months are nothing.

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I've grown emotionally too, this year. First from grief, then from dejection and depression, and then from someone who was then, and still is, special to me. That's another raw spot that'll never heal; sure it'll scab over but inevitably something will remind me and then it'll be bleeding all over the place again. If it sounds pathetic, yeah it probably is, actually. But so are all of us, in some way or other. If you're not pathetic in some way or other do get in touch with me, I would very much like to meet you.

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And most importantly, there are friends. This year I've realised that more than anything else, I get by with the help of my friends, people who spare a kind thought and word. We all have our crosses to bear, but there are those who help make the burden that bit lighter, and keep us going. Adam and Zhaohan, the A to Z of my phone book. ZH I've lost track of the number of drinks you claim to owe me, but I owe you lots more than drinks. You've been a constant, true friend. If you weren't there for me, I would have crashed and burned, bad. And my phone bill for July wouldn't have hit 80 freaking bucks haha.

Adam, I'll spare you all that emo shit cos I know you hate it, but thanks. We'll get drunk together someday, alright?

Remus, lil bro, you've been unfailingly good-spirited and understanding. The only thing I hate about you is that you're taller than me, damn it!

Shanghui, thanks. I owe you.

I could go on, but this isn't a freaking Oscar speech. Just want to thank all those of you (too many!) who've stuck around me and comforted me in bad times. I will never be able to repay all of you that debt of gratitude.

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And I'd like to end off invoking the traditional Auld Lang Syne. I've added a loose translation into English because the original Scotch lyrics always left me stumped (I'm sure many of you - I don't know any native Scotch speakers! - have felt the same).

Auld Lang Syne
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and auld lang syne?

For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

For Old Time's Sake
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old times since?

For old time's sake, my dear,
for old time's sake,
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for old time's sake.

Here's wishing all of you out there a better 2009 than the 2008 we've left behind!

PS: Do hit the comments link and say hi or something... I'd love to see who stalks me, besides the usual suspects =D

Is ideology overhyped?

Much has been written about a dramatic shift to Keynesian thought in economics. Governments around the world are poking their grubby hands and snotty noses into the free market, and journalists (especially the financial ones, having little to write about anyway other than the depressing stuff about oil, banks and people losing their life savings) are having a hell of a time pointing it out.

I think this is rather overstated. Sure, government intervention has become much more pervasive over the last few months (more regulatory oversight, much more spending in the economy, stimulus packages and such); sure, governments have realised that their economies will screw up big-time if they don't step in. But economic policies and schools of thought are never applicable under all circumstances; they were never meant to be. Different approaches are useful at different times, based on a government's macroeconomic aims - ranging from the growth-at-all-costs approach of China and Vietnam, to the control of inflation that countries like the UK seem to be obsessed with. 

And times have changed dramatically. Who would've thought that the housing bubble would have burst so spectacularly, with such dramatic spillover effects into the money markets? And who would've thought that the effect on the money markets would be so pronounced as to affect the real economy? Added to that we had the oil-price peak, only just behind us (and possibly not for long); there was food inflation caused partly by the adoption of biofuels and the food scares we've had. Set against this, arguing (as Friedman did) that "inflation is always and everywhere a monetary phenomenon" is perhaps pushing the case too far.

New Classical approaches combined with the lack of adequate regulation were largely to blame for the brouhaha that financial institutions (and governments) are finding themselves in. It follows then that these approaches were clearly inadequate in dealing with the current situation, if not in the strictly economic sense then certainly in the sense of not being politically expedient. 

To argue, then, as some economic journalists seem to be doing, that this is a new Keynesian age ("we are all Keynesians now" as Ronald Reagan said), is a bit naive, both for the reason stated earlier (i.e. a New Classical approach is clearly inadequate in dealing with the current situation) and for something more fundamental in the nature of politics. Governments have a natural bias against doing nothing; it's their job to govern, for better or for worse. Especially in a multiparty democracy, where to bum around is to hand the political initiative (and quite possibly the next election) to the opposition. Blame it on the goldfish attention spans of the electorate, but like it or not, no government would sit around fiddling while Rome burned. Obviously they had to come up with something to show the voters, and this is the result - Keynes is back in vogue. 

Perhaps it is pertinent, now, to remind everyone that the subject of economics was once called political economy. And decoupling the armchair contemplation of theoretical economic niceties from the nitty-gritty conduct of economic policy is possibly more illuminating than raving about the dawn of a new Keynesian era.

particularly enlightened

I thought this comment on the history of Arab-Israeli relations was particularly enlightened:

Incidentally, if Moses had turned right instead of left, the Jews could have had the oil, and the Arabs would have got the oranges.

Thanks to Chase me Ladies. Though I believe it isn't original.

my 300th post

I swear, it's not my fault that ZH's in love with Connie Booth.

a thought

To be honest I'm a bit relieved that this year no one has asked me to watch their church's Christmas play or musical, or go for some service or anything like that. I don't like public religion, or public spirituality. To me religion must be experienced internally, from within; it must be private. For that reason I'm spending Christmas at home, as always.

And just to piss off those who would lecture me on the "true meaning of Christmas", here's wishing all of you a

Happy Saturnalia!

=P

new colour scheme

W00t. I found this site COLOURlovers which has thousands of colour schemes and felt somewhat inspired. Hopefully this looks abit less crappy than the default blogger one. Tell me what you think!

The Stranger/What I want for Christmas

Introducing the new link down the right: The Stranger - Seattle's Only Newspaper. Not for the faint-hearted. The articles are hilarious, if you can take their humour. I especially recommend the I, Anonymous (written by an anonymous reader each week) and Last Days (day-by-day summary of the week's news) columns. And Savage Love if you're the kind of person who, like Adam, likes to read filthy sex-advice columns. Beware, I read a couple of them and came out with the impression that I have the libido of a neutered amoeba. Highly recommended.

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And zomg you won't believe this. I want herpes for Christmas. I mean this herpes simplex virus 2 plush toy.

It's freaking cute! Go check out the website, they've got stuffed toys for flu, chickenpox, sperm, neurons, mosquitos, and of course the venereals. Who would've thought that getting gonorrhea would be so cool? (Taken out of context the last sentence sounds incredibly disturbing.) I was so interested that I checked the shipping charges, which unfortunately are astronomical (US$43). And amazon.com is basically out of stock alr. =( Oh well.

Crikey. Damn cool to get a set of STD plush toys... lmao.

Office Routine

In the mornings:

1. Safely Remove Hardware > Safely Remove Brain, v3.8 (C:\, D:\, E:\, F:\).
2. Wear face: sanguine.
3. I'm ready for you, bitch.

final theory test

Eh... damn paiseh if I fail lah.

Update: passed phew. And I got a new bike heh.

Update: my new bike sucks. Its brake pads screech like nails on glass. Damn depressing.

what if morality were... economical?

No, I'm serious. Think about it. Economists, what if morality were subject to the dictates of cost-benefit analysis?

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Now, a post by Sam Tho (Nov 30) regarding gratuitous swearing got me thinking. Yes I'm certainly one of those who inspired the post, for I cuss without too much thought in the company of friends. (Of course, this depends on who I'm with - that night was him, Remus, Justin and me.) So Sam doesn't use the word fuck, and has never done so and doesn't plan to start. Commendable. Certainly, there are people who live by thou shalt not swear, but I see the benefits, and the costs aren't particularly compelling, so heck.

In my analysis, he greatly overestimates the negative externalities (costs) generated by swearing (the disapproval of peers and family, the breakdown of the fabric of society, the affront to morality and God, etc.) and underestimates the benefits (harmless stress-relief/catharsis, endearment to friends, better conversation, etc.). My own estimation is probably skewed towards the other extreme, simply because I perceive the benefits to be greater - because they accrue to myself and those around me - and the costs to be lesser. 

Generally, I've found that if I swear

1. I'm comfortable with the company I'm with
2. The conversation is going well, and pretty interesting
3. It gets even better after that

This is of course an example of the familiarity heuristic. Occasionally it doesn't work, and it sucks. But usually it's fine, because I'm not usually the one to initiate the swearing.

You might say I was being economical with morality there. I think that's true; some people place a high premium on strong ideals of morality - they associate it with strong positive externalities - and it's simply easier to abide by monolithic rules than to weigh the costs and benefits each time (because the costs are so high and the benefits - of breaking the rules - are so low). 

But to take this one step further, we could examine the development of morality itself. Besides divine endowment (stone tablets, burning bushes, Brian Blessed voices etc.), I think morality may be thought of as a result of people living in societies. Values and ethics develop so that people may live with each other and not hate each other as a result. And societies with developed notions of morality probably tend to fare better than those without (because they hate each other less, they're probably more inclined to cooperate). 

Morality also springs from conceptions of fairness, which are to some extent shared by animals: [1] [2] To some extent there may be an evolutionary basis for morality.

But economics? Might people live moral lives simply because the benefits were greater than the costs? The effect of a change in cigarette prices on smokers' behaviour is pretty well-documented; Tim Harford gives a convincing economic explanation for the increase in oral sex among American teenagers. But to extend economic analysis to morality as a whole... probably needs a bit more thought on my part. I'll get back to you on this.

apologies

Hey all, I think my readership has slowly but inevitably dropped off over the last couple of weeks. Sorry I haven't been posting; life's been dull is an understatement, and I've been in a phase of self-involved self-absorbed angst (what's new?)

Life has been depressing in its banality. There are 4 main constituent parts in my life ||: sleep, work, commute, home :|| except weekends which are a relief. The commute is a pain in the arse, especially if I can't get a seat on 969 or the train. If you're thinking that this is the most trite rubbish you've read in a month, well done you. 'Cos I fully agree.

I'm not even angry at the world now like Adam is; my anger is spent, and as I look, the world takes on a mildly malevolent glow of purple-grey-brown: something is rotten and putrid and malignant but I'm buggered if I know what it is and I can't be arsed to care. 

I'm merely waiting for someone to come back and tell me that things will be fine again. 

weird bird

Lol I'm not in the habit of posting nature documentaries, but this bird of paradise's mating ritual is incredible. Watch for the psychedelic cyan smiley!

And the gal isn't even impressed - what a bitch.

Thanks to cracked.com

words of advice

Two poems here that I thought lots of you out there might like. The first poem's achieved a sort of shiny oracular halo of fame, and I just found the second poem today - it might be useful for a sense of perspective haha. Enjoy!

Desiderata by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

and Deteriorata by Tony Hendra

You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
Deteriorata. Deteriorata.

Go placidly amidst the noise and waste, and remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof. Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep. Rotate your tires. Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself; and heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys. Know what to kiss - and when. Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do. Wherever possible, put people on hold. Be comforted, that in the face of all irridity and disillusionment, and despite the changing fortunes of time, there is always a big future in computer maintenance.

You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
Whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.

Remember the Pueblo. Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate. Know yourself. If you need help, call the FBI. Exercise caution in your daily affairs, especially with those persons closest to you... That lemon on your left, for instance. Be assured that a walk through the seas of most souls would scarcely get your feet wet. Fall not in love, therefore, it will stick to your face. Gracefully surrender the things of youth: the birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan - and let not the sands of time get in your lunch. Hire people with hooks. For a good time, call 606-4311, ask for Ken. Take heart in the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting enough cheese. And reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Milwaukee.

You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
Whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.

Therefore, make peace with your god, whatever you perceive him to be: hairy thunderer or cosmic muffin. With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal, the world continues to deteriorate. GIVE UP!

You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
Whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.