the last wk/bookout

wish i had more time but this short post will have to do. sitest (situation test) was the main highlight of last week... basically they give you 12 different scenarios and you have to complete them within a given time. my 2 missions (one as IC, one as 2IC) were both successful, w00t! quite fun lah, welcome change from following orders all day long. that was thurs to sat; had a 12km route march on thurs to the sitest site itself which wasn't quite the killer i expected... cool breeze helped. dry weather throughout which was brilliant, thank goodness. other than that we had some killer PT and IPPT training which pwned my arms and legs on mon and tues, and a super slack wednesday, free time ftw (except for packing/worrying for sitest).

bookout was disgustingly short this time, we booked out at 7:45 pm on sat, reached pasir ris by about 9, and we're booking in again at 6:55 tonight (less than 1 hour more). less than 24 hours out damnit. had lunch at jack's place today - fillet mignon. it owns. damn nice and juicy and bloody and made me feel like a freaking carnivore. huge chunk of tenderloin nearly the size of my fist. brilliant. other than that, bought 3 (!) cds - elgar, nielsen and a bach/bartok/ysaye combi thingy of solo violin sonatas and partitas. all pretty good.

damn. gtg alr, cos my mom's quite paranoid about being late (I should be too, actually). IPPT tmrw, just hope i pass. more updates thru adam again.

till next week.
YHN

wtf

wow i really should clean up the language on this blog. not fit for public consumption yeah? my mom found it, my cousin reads it (ugh), and more people than i ever imagined know about it. hrmph.

and what with all the f's and k-n-n's in camp, i'm really getting sick of people who swear gratuitously. especially when, as with some people, the swearing is the main course, and not the spice and garnish of the conversation. you should know what i mean; i'm talking about those people who say 'fuck' because it's fashionable; the in-thing. who craft a sentence so as to slip in the magic word 'fuck', that they believe will guarantee them entry into the secret enticing l33t world of the adult; the hip crowd of groupies who swear and party and go clubbing and, yes, even smoke.

IMHO that's incredibly juvenile, even though it used to be something that i believed in a long time ago. 'fuck' is a word used for high provocation; it's not something you throw in for kicks (which i admittedly do do occasionally on this blog); you don't say "wah fuck lah must fall in again at (time)", that just makes you look like a serious nubcaek who might actually be improved with a frontal lobotomy. partying and clubbing might be cool but obviously not to excess. smoking is frankly pretty sick; it literally stinks, and your mood sucks when you don't have a cig around - can see that from those sergeants who smoke, they have incredible mood swings.

anyway so... i guess i'll scale down the profanity on this blog. if only so that the govt spy-dudes manning the computer desks don't keep on updating the file they keep on me.

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by the way, just to be pedantic, words like 'fuck', 'shit', 'hell' and 'bloody' among others are more properly considered profanities rather than vulgarities. go look it up; 'profanity' is generally understood to refer specifically to bad language, while 'vulgarity' has a broader meaning that includes crude or distasteful behaviour (not necessarily language). really does chills me to the bone when people refer to the unprintable words as "vulgarities".

bloody turd-for-brains dickheads.

Some idiots apparently saw a rat in the bunk. Freaking massive commotion... Everyone came to gawk at the jokers trying to catch it. Wtf. Obviously with that noise it wouldn't come out, duh. Shit-for-brains arsewipes.

wk 5

ok so i guess i should bring you guys up to date, if anyone still reads this.

on wednesday I had a pretty bad SOC (standard obstacle course) lesson - spent about an hour draining all the energy from my arms on the swing trainer (sth like monkey bars) and low rope (climbing up the rope) and didn't manage to complete either. utterly demoralising. i still have the raw flesh to show from it, on my fingers and palms.

thursday - the once-in-a-lifetime hand grenade throw. was rather nervous in the morning; all the procedures and drills are a headache to remember, not to mention the actual thought of having 700 ball bearings and a fuse sitting next to your heart. strange thing happened, though; prayed for some peace of mind while we were waiting to move off, and a ladybird landed on my LBV. i like ladybirds; they remind me of those ladybird books and a childhood long gone (and that nursery rhyme too); in some places they're a symbol of the virgin mary (which explains the 'lady' part of ladybird) and supposed to be good luck too, which is why i didn't flick it away. stayed there for ages - nearly half an hour, even while i was marching; i was scared to death of crushing it with an accidental swing of my rifle. it was quite an amazing morale boost. was a bit disappointed when it flew away though; i guess i was hoping for it to stay the whole time and sit on my LBV through the grenade throw heh.

the actual throw was quite a non-event though. lots of waiting around (even more than live range, though unavoidable), and throwing the grenade wasn't spectacularly exciting for me. was a bit nervous but that was mainly cos my warrant officer (incidentally my PC - platoon commander) was talking cock all the way, how the previous guy didn't throw far enough or whether my guts (ok, actually balls) were still intact, that kind of thing. [i should introduce their characters to you, but that's for another post.] anyway, it's a loud blast but not heart-stoppingly loud; i couldn't twist the ring properly cos of the blisters so warrant razali (that's my PC) did it for me lol... and i just let it go. nothing spectacular, nothing even remotely poetic about it. just a heartstopping moment while you watch it land, then a few nervewrecking seconds crouching and holding your breath till the blast. warrant razali said some enthu stuff about being a man now and that was it.

on fri SOC again, which I was dreading. managed to get out of it because i reported sick with a back injury. frankly i tried my best on thurs night to get a fever and everything, but it didn't work. my body absolutely refuses to fall sick; it's unfair, but although i'm not extremely fit or strong or anything i'm disgustingly healthy. even a long cold shower, even not wiping off, even standing in the wind and under a ceiling fan going full blast for 15 minutes to dry off, even sleeping topless except for a wet towel - ALL of that, and i still couldn't catch as much as a chill. my temperature in the morning was 35.6 deg. ridiculous. thank goodness for the back sprain. so i spent the SOC period at the medical centre, getting my [medical] status slip and zaoing off to the bunk to slack. 2 more lectures - on tying knots and lashings, and preparing firing circuits (setting up explosives, really basic stuff) and that was it.

so yes, that wraps up my week. the highlight was probably my failed attempt to get a chill on the last night or the ladybird on thurs, which shows how much it (the week) sucked. going off to practice tying lashings (around my left foot, how sad is that?) cos my knotting skills are non-existent. oh well.

Exactly 1 month left; POP's 12 March woot! Things slackening off already, almost all Pt and fre time now; the sergeants are loosening up... we even had a canteen visit today which is supposedly a real treat (it isn't, the stuff is damn ex). The thought of A levels is a real bummer though.

Rayner

Got my second haircut today damn. Other than that some obstacle course pract in the morn which was kinda fun, a boring grenade lesson - throwing egg-shaped baubles of curry powder is even less exciting than it sounds - and some dumbbel pt in the afternoon which killed my arms, basically mind-numbingly boring. Adam I wouldn't blame you if you don't want to type this out haha.

Rayner

last words/thoughts

oh well. had a good CNY break. every moment was precious lol. this is what happened yesterday:

Yale interview (1100-1245): the guy grilled me on govt policy, esp market failure and that sort of thing, issues of fairness. he had lots of axes to grind with public transport pricing (MRT, buses and taxis) lol. 1 and a half hours plus... no joke. and I was trying to defend my position that the govt's policies are basically pretty sound, but i had no chance haha. didn't come off too badly I hope/guess. other than that he did evaluate the other unis I applied to and told me candidly that LSE's standards had slipped a lot - gave me a rundown of their history too. really well-informed. these interviews help a lot.

Class dinner/tea (1330-1600): was fun, and great meeting up with everyone again - ok not everyone, but 10 people. DC picked a pretty posh place - marmalade pantry at palais renaissance - the food was decent and the cakes were good. club sandwich and NY cheesecake for me; that came up to almost 30 bucks with service charge O.o almost all the girls are working in cool places wow, and us guys were just regaling them with the usual NS horror stories. oh well. just great seeing some old classmates, we should have another one next month after PoP.

Movie (1700-1900) and dinner (1900-2030): ahhh best pals, zh remus and me. organised by zh, pity shaggy had stuff on -.- it would have been great, us four back together again.

lol zh won't get to see this since he's alr left home for book-in, but it was huge fun. sweeney todd is a classic tale and a fantastic musical, nvr seen it before but had pretty high expectations. the beginning was promising, brilliant camera work and enhancement so everything looks incredibly bleak and grim - except for the blood. massive blood-fest. i was rather callously chugging popcorn all the way lol.

pity that (according to zh) they cut lots of music from it. it did feel rather disappointing; we were left with a one-dimensional portrayal of todd, a rather flat and unamusing mrs lovett... didn't even find out what happened to anthony and johanna in the end. average-to-lousy singing too. but it has fantastic evocative music that just throws you off-centre and chills you to the core. if you want a review read zh's blog lol. some hardcore film critic there.

dinner... massive angst-outpouring with zh. we trashed out all the pent-up thoughts about BMT and life and how it's all a raw deal and stuff. catharsis.

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so yeah. today was pretty uneventful; got up, read papers/economist, did the BMT reflections (3*600 word reflections -.-) and packed, and wrote posts, and am steeling myself to leave home in 1 hour and be at the bus interchange by 9:15. oh well. it was a really good CNY though.

should be back on fri night; meanwhile I'll be posting via adam, hopefully a couple of posts through the week. till then,

YHN

spiritual

I'm going a bit spiritual. Or soft in the head. I know I'm inclined to think that way on occasion.

It probably started with getting lost at 3am on my way back from the latrine on the last day of field camp. I know I prayed quite a bit; it's ironic how atheists profess their disbelief and then when push comes to shove they think "aiyah try my luck lah". I don't know if it was luck or something more, but I do know that after nearly half an hour of stumbling round in the dark, the first groundsheet I came to was my own. (the path below is a highly simplified version of the actual path I took, which would look like an earthworm having an orgasm.)

Ok you might say it was miraculous. Or you might (like the atheist part of me) point out that I was sleeping directly at the corner of the campsite anyway, so if I came across any groundsheet chances are it'd have been mine. Or you could point out that I was dead close to missing the campsite altogether, and wandering off deep into the plantation.



All I know is that at points I couldn't see anything, not even the light from our main campsite; I only had a dim torch which worked only half the time; and I heard nothing but bullfrogs and the occasional rat. And I prayed and somehow managed to get back without too much difficulty. This kind of thing does shake you a bit.

And well, let's just say that the past few months have been a really trying period for me personally, a period that I could not have survived without the support and reassurance of all those fantastic friends I have. They have a crazy diversity of opinion, they wouldn't all agree, not all of them even know all the rest, but it's been a great comfort to have them around. You might say it's luck. Or you might say it's something other; something only God might do.

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Hell's bells. Was on msn talking to a good friend (jon lee) on the night of my bookout; he sort of pointed me in the Catholic way of things... being in the spiritual frame of mind I was rather more receptive than usual, and it does make sense somehow. I'm now praying more than the recommended daily dosage for an atheist.

Converting, I guess, will be a long time off - I'm not fully convinced of the existence of God, not yet anyway; and if it happens I do want my soul to be, if not white, at least a whiter shade of pale.

And you guys out there can forget about trying to rush me. I'll jump my own leap of faith when I'm ready. If it ever happens I'll prob turn RC though. I really do appreciate the fact that none of my catholic friends have tried to convert me.

interview/thoughts

Princeton interview was quite cool... the lady was really nice and didn't intimidate at all =) though she's cowritten a book with jo stiglitz O.o which means i've met someone who's met a nobel laureate. how cool is that? she guessed (rightly) i was attracted by the big names on faculty - imagine being taught economics 101 by paul krugman! other than that she asked interesting qns and we had a decent conversation, so hopefully i've left her a good impression.

now for yale - which doesn't have much of an econs reputation, but which i applied to primarily for the financial aid, and the legendary music dept. hope all goes well.

hope that come april, i'll be in the ridiculously happy dilemma of choosing which dream school, like princeton, chicago and LSE, to reject... that is, if my A lvls don't screw up.

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I can see clearly now the rain has gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny day.

I think I can make it now the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is that rainbow I've been praying for
It's gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny day.

Look all around - there's nothing but blue sky
Look straight ahead - nothing but blue sky.

I can see clearly now the rain has gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny day.

- Johhny Nash

Why is it that the oldies always get everything right? I should be faintly embarrassed of myself, having gone from what is popularly considered the most unfashionable music of all (classical) to possibly the second-most (60s/70s pop). I'm listening to the songs of my mom's generation, for crying out loud - in my more lucid moments I shudder. (I don't think my mom listened to them though; she fangirls country and elvis -.- just hope she doesn't read this post!) And to my horror lots of people have never heard of songs like Hey Jude or Mrs Robinson. Wow.

Of course there're songs like All Kinds of Everything that unfailingly make me snort every single time. You'd think there's a kind of asymptote to corniness... in the same way it's physically impossible for things to reach the speed of light. But those songs just exist like the way tachyons are supposed to.

And on that confused metaphor I think I'd better end and go sleep.

cny/other stuff

yeah fine, i concede, it's shagged not shack; and it's not tautological, merely redundant, which nevertheless doesn't make it any less a sin.

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happy cny all! am busy stuffing myself & pigging out with all the usual cny junk food - pineapple tarts, random cookies, bak kwa, chocs, nuts, ice cream... basically making up for lost time. and i have this thing for fruit teas now, strangely. used to hate tea but now i'm taking sth like 2 cups of blackcurrant or blueberry a day and 1 of coffee. some amazing viennese coffee blend or sth like that - really blows.

hoping my weight doesn't balloon to wally-level (80+kg O.o) and kill my l33t 2.4/IPPT/general fitness progress. must go running or sth to assuage my conscience.

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in other news... princeton interview tmrw and yale interview on saturday. for princeton i'm getting interviewed by some visiting director at the LKY school of public policy who's a fellow with the brookings institution (gulp!) which is quite frankly overkill, and borderline intimidation. bit scary. but i guess having an interview means the university hasn't thrown my application out straightaway, which is something. the yale interview is with this director with some consultancy firm or sth, not nearly as mindblowing but still approaching that. as i'm quite brain-dead now i am in some doubt about my ability to hold my end of the interview without falling into conversational potholes, TOTT (tip of the tongue) syndrome and stuff like that - much less be insightful, incisive, and intelligent. hrmph we'll see how it goes. just hoping to leave a positive impression.

going visiting later - my mom's extended family. cos she's the only one with one kid everytime the angpows go around i lose out cos she has to give out like 2 or 3 and only gets one in return haha. sucks to be an only child. will have to say sth to my grandma in chinese and she'll say sth about me not understanding her teochew and i'll look sheepish. embarrassing family ritual lol.

basically i'm now reading the newspapers and economist and finding out what's been happening, banging out stuff on the piano, and generally getting my life into some semblance of normalcy. which will be blasted to smithereens again come sunday, 2115 hours, at pasir ris bus interchange.

cheerio,
YHN

back/field camp

(looks at the third last post)

Hello Adam. Seeing as you're here, it looks like I've got to watch my apostrophes and do some more of those pinky-finger-SHIFT-key-lunges, eh?

By the by, "seeing as how" is tautological; surely you know that?

=)

rayner

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(see what happens when 2 grammar nazis meet)

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anyway... just a bit of fun. woah. heck-loads of stuff to post. all things considered, the last 10 days or so were pretty slack by any standards. our field camp was mild; we didn't have dumb things like sleep in muddy shell scrapes* or do artillery drills in the middle of the night, like cougar company (i heard they had to tear down their camp in 5 minutes in pitch-dark conditions at 10pm and run 5km to the next campsite to set up for the night; ask daniel or martin). our training was pretty exacting but not really physically demanding, at least not for long periods. and we had loads of free time, both inside field camp and out.

[*shell scrape: hole in the ground that's big enough for you to lie down in. supposed to protect you from gunfire and shit like that; in reality it just becomes a muddy swimming pool if it rains]

i won't give too many spoilers, and all my posts are way too long to be typed out in full (i think i've written a few thousand words - that shows how much free time we got), but field camp isn't actually that bad as long as you remember that it doesn't last forever. this sounds lame, i know, but it can and will be a real comfort that it's only 6 days. those with mild allergies will die though, as will those who sweat a lot, like me; i was drenched and sniffling throughout - the first three days from sweat, the last 3 from rain. (get this guys, it rained for half our field camp).

powder baths are actually more refreshing than they sound, especially since they're all you have to survive on; and get this, all of us DID survive pretty well on the screwed-up SAF-issued foot powder, despite all they say about prickly heat.

the fabled BIC at the end of field camp (battle innoculation course - crawling 100m under machine-gun fire and barbed-wire obstacles) isn't exactly that bad either, considering that it's, after all, only 100m, and the gunfire is at least 2m above the ground and therefore is unlikely to put the fear of God into you.

i guess the worst part of field camp was the toilets. the lack of toilets. basically they have a designated toilet area with holes for poo and a tape behind which you stand to pee, and this passes for a loo. the poo area is a danger zone, especially at night, for reasons that would be otiose to mention. and i got lost trying to get back from the toilet at 3am on the last day; it was dark, the oil palms are planted diagonally (inexplicably; maybe to foil invading malaysians or aliens trying to make crop circles or sth lah), and i basically wandered off in the wrong direction and into a swamp full of bullfrogs mating loudly and throatily; spent half an hour retracing my steps to reach the campsite -.- hell of a time. it's funny, but i prayed after i got back lol - no atheists in foxholes.

well yeah, those were the highlights, more or less; mud, dirt, soil, sand, sweat, rain and piss on your uniform, basically, for 6 days, and that's it. [i should explain the piss part: some exercises/drills involve you lying down in the grass - the same grass that idiots wee in cos they can't hold their bladders or can't be bothered to go deeper into the vegetation]

good luck to all you guys going in for field camp after CNY; I hope you don't have to dig shell scrapes in our covered poo holes haha.

we had another IPPT the day after field camp; i died at 5 pull-ups cos too tired after the thing (excuses, excuses... but the body is weak even though the mind is willing). according to peck i did a sub-10:30 2.4km which is (i quote him) "freaking fast lah" =) i'm going for 9:45 even though i know i definitely won't be able to get an IPPT gold; it's less than 45 seconds away, I can do it.

what else... SOC; I was, as the warrant officers like to put it, "too shack to think", and i basically stepped into a barbed wire obstacle instead of jumping over like any right-thinking idiot would do. miraculously even as i was stepping directly into it i subconsciously was careful enough to avoid the main shit and ended up with only one minor cut on my right hand. crazy.

well then, there'll be more posts tmrw. NS life, angsting about platoon-mates/section-mates/the dismal state of swearing in BMT/how my brain is rotting away, that sort of stuff. i'm kinda stoned, sleepy and all (woke up 3:38 this morning).

glad to be back, anyway.

Rayner

Wrote a long post but no time to type it out... Will post when I get back. Field camp wasn't that bad; long draghts of boredom interspersed with drills from hell.But even that isn't too bad... and some of the combat rations are actually better than cookhouse food wtf?

Anyway just looking forward to CNY and bookout. Lights out so gtg now.

Rayner